This truth may make you uncomfortable. Maybe your sex life has never been a safe or fulfilling place and this truth makes you feel ashamed of or angry about your experience. But the truth is, when approached in a respectful, caring way, sex is meant to benefit us in three main ways:
First, sex is strengthening because how vulnerable it is. It is one of the most vulnerable conversations you can have. So much pressure is put on how we perform sexually. And sadly, many times, the assumption is made (or communicated to us) that we will just know what to do. Communicating what you need, want or like can be scary. But that is the whole point! Growing in intimacy within your sex relationship. Danny Silk calls intimacy “into-me-see”. Meaning that you can’t have true intimacy without letting someone into the places you feel most vulnerable and tender. Also, know that your vulnerability will help your spouse to open up as well.
Second, sex is beneficial for health, stress, and joy. The more you can communicate and practice, the more orgasms you are going to encounter, or maybe you will begin to experience them for the first time. Sex is a natural relaxant. When those hormones and chemicals get released to your brain and body, clarity and peace come. God made it that way! So that when you experience release with your spouse, you grow closer.
Third, sex is a physical act that has reverberations in the spirit. Intimate sex where you and your spouse become one sets a hedge of protection around your relationship. Chaos may think it is winning around you, but it is not getting between you! Your intimacy reinforces the covenant that was joined on the day you got married. The day you gave your bodies to one another.
*Bonus Truth: Sex is about learning.
The lie is: if you wait and are pure for marriage then you will be rewarded with multiple orgasms and painless childbirth! Nah girl. Sex is a skill. It is a relationship. Think about the first time you met your spouse. You didn’t immediately know everything about them!
You may have known that you’re supposed to go on dates, hold hands, and give compliments. But without the time to get to know them and their likes and dislikes, how on earth can you love them well?
You may think this is a no brainer. So if we understand this about relationships, why do we assume that sex will be a formula that requires little to no effort?