We hear people say it. But just because we know it, doesn't mean we know it. It can be difficult to separate years of images and stories from the blank slate we want to have. Even if you are a virgin, it is almost impossible to get to the altar without outside experiences shaping your expectations of sex.
When you are engaged or dating or waiting, you are so ready to have sex. Your love and libido are so strong, there’s no way that your sex won’t be epic magic?! Until you have sex and it’s awkward and you have to communicate or figure things out. Which is normal!
Again, we have heard it, but comparison is the thief of joy. The shameful lies will try to creep in that your body is wrong, your spouse isn't the right person for you, you should perform a certain way...
Shame wants to isolate you and your experience. Don't let it. It’s not just you. You aren't the only one. Don’t be like anyone else but you. Your experience, your sex life.
Also, unlike movies, tv and other media, sex isn't without strings or consequences. In covenant, this is what you want! Two becoming one. Sex binds you to another person in the most intimate way. Kris Vallotton illustrates it like this, "it's like glueing two pieces of wood together with wood glue, then trying to seperate them. There is no way you can perfectly separate them without breaking shards off of each piece of wood."
So guard your eyes, and refuse to allow shame and lies to dictate your sex life!