Seven years ago, my husband made a decision that would change the course of our lives forever. He decided that he wanted to follow the dream of his heart since he was 12 years old. He wanted to work for God full time.
My first encounter with the ministry growing up was following a pastor’s daughter out a window at a church retreat when I was 12 years old to play spin the bottle with boys in the woods. Not a good introduction. I was happy for him but terrified for me. Did this make me a pastor’s wife now?
I was in denial for a long time.
So like any sensible person I started a little blog called The Ministry Wife where I could rant and rave. I thought to myself, what a unique opportunity to document the journey from the very inception of being in ministry. Those blog posts were raw and funny and there is no way I was going to actually let anyone read them, and nobody was really that interested. Except my cousin! My cousin Katie subscribed to my blog. Love you Katie!
(Fresh faced new ministry folk with first baby, Judah, in 2010)
My husband is undeniably called to his dream. He spent years in ministry school and serving in churches before we got married, and has always loved God in a beautiful and unique way. But his dream and our kids put all of mine in jeopardy. Suddenly I had a position in his dream that I didn’t know if I wanted and didn’t feel like I had earned. Would people expect me to know the same things he did and pray the way he did or carry his anointing? I felt like I was being watched and had no proper training and no one to ask. I did ask google, but all the women I found seemed to have it much more together than I did.
Fortunately for me, from the very beginning, my husband said three very important things to me:
Our family comes first. The day that it doesn’t and you say stop, we stop.
You don’t have to come to church or do anything at church unless you want to.
I believe in your dreams and know that it will require sacrifice from me, like you will sacrifice for my dream.
I know, right? Swoon! These three things enabled me to keep my identity, my dreams alive in hard times, and most importantly, protected my love for Jesus as my own.
He is an amazing man and I am honored to call him my pastor. Apparently some other people thought so too, cause they started letting him share about God and lead worship. Along the way, I have documented the hilarious, the hard, and the heartbreaking aspects of what life has looked like for us, but I knew that I couldn't be alone in the things I was feeling.
I wanted a place to talk about hard questions about God and ministry, even if I didn’t yet know the answer. I wanted to make a safe place to talk about honest things about marriage, children, and SEX. A place that would demystify pastoral lives and shows how much we are also in process. I wanted to talk about my thoughts on feminism and brave conflict resolution...
I was convinced that I couldn’t be the only ministry wife to ever feel the emotions I was feeling, and maybe talking about it somewhere other people would perhaps see it, could bring some healing to others.
But I started to realize that although my voice was all my own, there were AMAZING ministry wives and barrier breaking women all over the world with powerful voices inside them. Maybe they just needed a place like I did. In the last decade, I have met women in ministry and out who know far more than I do about how to start a business, how to pray in a way that moves the heart of God, pretty much more than I do on everything.
They are who this blog is for. Because this isn’t just a blog, I hope to make it a community. As funny or as deep as I am on a good day, a blog about me just isn’t that interesting. But if I could make a platform for the world to hear the hearts of these incredible women, who just happen to be in ministry (by choice or by marriage) or in positions of authority, and let them fill the pages with their hearts, that would be so powerful!!!! They are prophets, poets, singers, lovers, homemakers, warriors, business women, intercessors, and they have a lot to give and a lot to say. I hope that you are as encouraged by them as I am.